Otter Lake Part 18

     The next day and the next day were blocks of time to crawl over.   Since no one can say they remember all of their dreams, Ray knew he may have gone to Otter Lake far more often than he remembered.  That is not to say it was all he dreamed about, but it was all he could recall.    And each time he seemed to be a different person and in a different time.   His sense of place had become a hazy marker.   He was not sure anymore if that fixed location even existed.

     Otter Lake was always in the back of Ray's mind. Real or not he wanted to return.  It was the last thing he thought about before sleep and the first thing he thought about when he awoke.    But after months of futile effort it became apparent that events would occur independent of what he desired.  Strangely this knowledge relieved him of the need to push or feel failure.  After all, Ray reasoned, it was not up to him. 

     Struggle was a waste.  Resignation was the only option Ray felt he had.   And if that was not a positive direction, it still moved his day from here to there.  Not that this existence was that bad. It wasn’t.  If his marriage was not passionate, it also was not hostile.  They had achieved equilibrium.  He and his wife lived in a condominium loft in East Orange, New Jersey.  They were both 38 and, although always intending to have a family, it had not happened yet.

     Travis worked as a computer programmer for Amtrak.  It was not a bad job.  But, after 10 years of the constant political rankling about funding,  it still felt like temporary employment.  One nice thing about working for a train company were the free train passes. There was a 30-day pass that allowed you get on and off the train whenever you wanted.  He had only done this once, but it was the best.  He took the northern passenger train called the Empire Builder.  This train goes from Albany New York to Chicago and then up north through Wisconsin, Minnesota and west to Seattle.  He got off in small towns, stayed a day or two and jumped on the next train.  It was wonderful.   He operated according to whim.  Even his wife, who was a planner, seemed to enjoy herself.  At least she said she did.

      Ray smiled at being Travis Caribou.  Both names felt right.  He liked having Gunter as a friend.  Ray didn’t seem to have anyone like that.  And the circus dream….   He knew it was so shallow and probably covered in the first chapter of Psychology 101, but he loved that dream.

     The day he had last returned from Otter Lake was just in time to attend his sister-in law's wedding.  It was the perfect event to cushion his rather jarring return.  Weddings are all story and fantasy with very little intersection with the real world.  It was a place Ray knew well.